Master of Darkness

Do you consider the light switch a last resort?

I don't need lights. Every single time I enter a dark room and leave without turning the light on I pat myself on the back three, maybe even four times. Preparing dinner? Grabbing snacks? Pretending to be a ninja? None of these require light. It's a personal failure if you have to flick that switch, it means cats and bats both beat you.

Also I'm saving the planet because I'm not using its precious lifeblood to compensate for my inability to find a Pepperami at midnight. I'm practically an eco-warrior.

But, as with all the best things in life, there are pros and cons to being a darklord.

PROS

• Sheer misguided pride
• Get things done slightly faster
• Easier to hide from people you don't like or question the point of
• Easier to sleep while performing mundane tasks
• Lower risk of electric shock

CONS

• Freak out anyone you live with who enters the room. 'Why are you in the dark?' '*Scowls* I DON'T NEED THE LIGHT!' (this has actually happened)
• Potential injury - but most of my posts carry that risk
• Culinary mishaps
• Eye damage
• Move slower
• More vulnerable to surprise zombie attack

Do you shy from the light?

GUEST BLOG: Commute Superstar

Do you turn every commute into a music video?

I don't do these things, but a person called Morsho (@QueenMorsh - she's not a real queen) does. If you like my words you'll probably like hers.

This is not me

I spend 2 hours a day (at least) commuting to and from work, so I listen to music on the train. I fly into a RAGE if I forget my headphones, but when I listen to music I always unwittingly end up pretending I am in a music video.  

Sometimes it's quite subtle, I’ll listen to the song and move my head to look up and down the carriage in time to the drum beat, or cross and uncross my legs in time to the music. Sometimes I'll wait until a line of a song says something along the lines of “the first time I saw you” and then glance up and stare intensely at the nearest man, pretending that we are both in a music video and the song is about us. That tends to get me a few weird looks and restraining orders though.  

I have been known to pause a song on my iPod because I am about to get off the train and the song I am listening to is the perfect song to accompany my walk to the next platform. One of my favourites is Are You Gonna Go My Way by Lenny Kravitz when you are walking from the Bakerloo Line to the Central line at Oxford Circus – the guitar riff at the beginning is perfect for a purposeful Britain’s Next Top Model style walk down the long corridor at the bottom of the stairs.  If the song is started the minute you step off the train, you can even fit in a glance left and right and then a full pelt model strut towards the stairs that perfectly fits in time with the music.  

I also HATE it when there's a break in the song when you're walking downstairs, but the song starts up again before you've reached the bottom. I've legged it downstairs before just so the music doesn’t beat me.

Do you own the secret imaginary-commute-dance scene?

(Incidentally if you do things and want to know if other people do them send an e-mail to doyoudothis@gmail.com or buzz (not sure what that verb means in this context) me on Twitter @jallford)

More to follow from Morsho later!