Crossing a road is the battlefield of kings and queens
As a pedestrian your abilities are rarely tested. You are the weakest member of the transport world, you can be beaten by train, car, bike and even unicycle. Except when it comes to the road cross.
I've spent a fair amount of time in London and in London pedestrians do not know fear. The green man is a lie: the green man is when fools cross, YOU cross ages before the green man even thinks of appearing. In fact if you wait for the green man you've already lost.
No one says it, I bet even fewer people actually know it, but if you cross the road first and don't die you are the best. Here in Cambridge people are terrified of roads and will always wait for the green man - there's almost no challenge. People look at you in awe as you slide to the front and cross what is often a tiny road with a speed limt of 20mph.
Back in London you have to fight your way to the front because all the people will be too slow, then when you, as an expert, have decreed it safe you walk and the people behind you will follow.
I'm not saying be reckless, in fact if you get run over you lose harder than if you waited for the green man. The ultimate road crosser is a person of judgement, but a person who acts fast, who lives in the now, who isn't led in life by buttons, noises and green men.
I'm an ultimate road crosser (just noticed that rhymes with tosser). Are you?
I am an ultimate road crosser. I have ‘Froggered’ my way across some of the most dangerous roads, in the least road disciplined countries in the world, and I always win at crossing the road. I am proud, honoured even, to be an ultimate road crosser. The alternative is to be a slave to the green man, and if you’re one of those you may as well just sign over the power of attorney of your entire life to someone else. I’ve seen green man slaves standing at the side of a completely empty road, obediently waiting for their emerald master to decree that it is safe for them to cross. I’ve even seen them waiting, lost and confused, at pelican crossings that, for some reason or another, aren’t in use. The green man is laughing at you green man slave, he’s laughing at you.
ReplyDeleteDON’T BE A SLAVE TO THE GREEN MAN!
Saying that though he does make decent sweetcorn. Oh no wait that's the green giant...!
ReplyDeleteGreen man will sometimes mislead people too, like he'll be flashing then a car will CHARGE past. You really can't trust him.
wat
ReplyDelete